Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I cannot even begin to write about Seth, Asher, Justin, Billy, Tyler, and Raymond, but to say:

This is my family.  The world kills them.  And my heart is too heavy to speak.

At the moments when I let my mind & heart awaken to the absolute terrifying darkness of what is going on, I feel absolute despair.  How long, O LORD, how long?  If you had been here, they might not have died.

When I cannot speak except for words of lament, I let my soul run and hide itself.  I've been carrying Manna and Mercy in my backpack since Monday; just knowing it's there soothes my heart.

And I've been reading blog posts; I try not to read the comments, because it seems that even in the face of six queer boys dead there are people trolling the Internet to proclaim God's salvation in hate.  But I read - I am thankful for Twitter where good blog posts are offered up and the Outlaw Preachers sing loud and clear - and I am pulled to the surface for a gasp of air.

May G-d have mercy on my weak and tired soul.

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