Wednesday, September 22, 2010

i don't know about all of us, but I know there's a God-shaped hole in me.

A hurdle for me in thinking about doing ministry is that I (like some other seminarians, I'm sure) was the dorky kid in youth group.

The one who wanted to be confirmed at twelve and was told she was too young.

The one who hated her confirmation class at fourteen but still wanted to be confirmed so she did a private year with Father Joe.

The one who actually wanted to read the Bible (in contrast to a certain youth rector, who once said:  "I read the Bible all the way through when I was sixteen, but I was a dork then.").

The one who kept showing up even after she was confirmed.

The one who, when she stopped going to St. John's, started going to Abundant Life and then Woodland Hills and then St. Odelia's.

The one who, on her first Sunday away from home, woke early for breakfast and then worship in Boe, with Liz, the roommate who became the first of the team of righteoussinners that made me the joyful Lutheran I am today.

Something about young me, even in the midst of teenage craziness and my sickness, was inherently drawn to church.  I didn't always get the community life I longed for.  I was often disappointed by the leadership or theology or lack thereof.  And I was unable to say what I was looking for - only that I was looking for something, and not finding it, but needing to find it, and continually searching.

How will I preach to those who wake on a Sunday morning and dread dragging themselves to church?  How can I explain the God-shaped hole in me when so many others seem to have none?

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